For Moms with Littles
Recently I had the opportunity to share with a group of young moms. What a blessing! I decided it to share it here in hope that it will be a blessing and encouragement as you labor day in and day out to raise your children to love Jesus with all of their heart and to love others as Christ does.
Blessings mama. Know I am praying for you!
As I thought about sharing with you and I was thinking about
parenting tips. I asked myself, “What am I glad someone shared with
me and what do I wish I had known when my kids were younger?”
Of course, there is much more to parenting than what I will share here, but here are a few I thought were important to me.
For you as moms:
Holiness is your goal not happiness - This
is a piece of advice I was given at my first baby shower. It
can sound a bit harsh but it is a great piece of truth. You
see, many times parents don't want to upset their kids.
It starts out at a very young age. A toddler doesn't want to do something you ask of them so they start to throw a fit. In order to stop their screaming (especially in public) the parent gives in and does not require obedience. The toddler has now learned how to manipulate and get out of obedience. If not dealt with at that age, it will continue on even into the teen years where you will have a 15 year old manipulating situations with temper tantrums.
In teaching holiness it is important to teach our kids first time obedience. Obedience that is done fully, with a happy heart. At times they will be unhappy (the choice of their heart) but their holiness is much more important long term. As much as I love to make my kids happy, that is not my goal. Their godliness and character is much more important. Thus the advice, "holiness not happiness."
Be consistent and require obedience. You are developing their habits and their character. We repeated to our kids over and over that we were teaching them to obey even when they didn't understand as we know some day God will ask them to do things they don't understand. They need to obey even when they don't feel like it because at times they will have to choose to obey God even when they don't feel like it. As we grow and mature, we all find joy in obedience to God.
Show grace to one another
When my kids hit a new stage of life, I often told them, “You have never been this age and I have never parented you at this age. We are both going to mess up at times. We will learn to do this together.” The biggest point in this is that each stage of parenting is new and so is each new stage for your child. Even if we have parented a different child through the same age, each child is different. We all learn together how to walk that road. At times we will mess up. We need to learn to show one another grace, forgive, and grow together. Humility and understanding come as we walk in grace.
God has given you everything you need.
When I was a bit nervous about being a mom for the first time, my mom said to me, “Erica, God has given you everything you need to be Elizabeth's mom.” Does that mean I didn't have to learn? No.
Does that mean I would do things perfectly? Definitely no! It means that God is with me. His Word guides me and His Spirit leads me. I need not fear or be anxious.
Pray for your children
What a gift that we can go before our
Heavenly Father with all of our concerns and requests about our
children. Pray for their salvation. Pray for their hearts to hunger
and thirst for righteousness. Pray that they will be gentle, humble,
teachable, servants. Pray that they will learn to go to God about
everything. Pray that they will desire God's ways above all else.
Also make sure to take time to pray with your children. Talk about areas they know they need to change and pray with them. Pray with them for wisdom as they get older and have to make decisions. Pray with them about difficult situations or ones that cause them fear. As they grow, ask them how you can pray for them.
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Those are a few things for you, mom. Now on to some of the things I think are great to teach your kids.
1. Gentle. Humble. Servant.
For several years I had these words printed out on paper and taped to the wall. They were three large reminders of how we should all be with others. We taught our kids that these were three essential traits in all of life. (Although below I will add a fourth) Whether you are in the home with siblings, out in public with strangers, in the workforce, or especially as a leader, these traits are necessary.
Gentle.
This is not always easy in the home. Especially between siblings. The first response of a child to a sibling that is pushing their buttons is typically NOT gentle. Our kids need to be taught what Christ was like and that we can be like Him in our responses. Teach them to speak calmly with kindness. Teach them to respond slowly and lovingly. Teach them to hug a sibling who is sad. Teach them to be gentle in all areas.
Humble.
This is another trait of Christ. Teach your kids the verses from Philippians 2 that talk about the humility of Christ. Teach them what humility looks like.
Examples would be saying you are sorry when you hurt someone, admitting that you did something wrong. Make sure it's not just an "I'm sorry." but teach them to ask for forgiveness as well.
Humility is also thinking of others before yourself. Examples would be letting others go first in line or leaving the biggest piece of cake for others.
Servant.
Start this one when your kids are young! Our sin nature makes us selfish from the get go. Our kid's inclination is "me me me." I go first. I get the biggest. I get the best. Others should do what I want. You can see this especially in young children.
Teach them to serve their family. Teach them to serve their community. Teach them to serve whenever the opportunity presents itself. I will talk about this more in a few minutes.
Teachable
Even though this wasn't taped to the wall, this is the fourth one I would add to the list. The older I get, the more I realize the importance of being teachable. I must admit, I realized it more as I watched my son-in-law the first year of their marriage. I could not believe how often he came to us for advice and how often he listened. It is wonderful to watch and it will help him as he walks life as a husband, father, employee, and friend. This is not as easy to teach and I think it is best taught by example. Let your conversations be ones that show ways that you are humble enough to listen and be taught by others. Be willing to admit when you don't know something and show them how you go to others.
Talk with your kids about how important this trait is in life. Give them examples of consequences of being unteachable. Point out when they have made a choice to be teachable. As you correct them ask if they have a teachable heart. This blends in with humility beautifully as it is the humble heart that is teachable.
Remember that in all four of these
areas, we are looking to get to the heart, not just an outward
action. Outward action will fade away. When you get to the heart you are building character and Christ likeness that will continue on as they grow.
2. See the need
This is something I wish I had thought to verbalize to my kids when they were young. I get really excited when I think about this because I think it is such an important thing to teach. There are always needs around us no matter where we are. Whether we are at home or out and about, people have needs. Teach your children to watch for needs they can meet. This teaches them to be aware of others and it teaches them to serve.
Let me give a few examples.
Start out when your children are toddlers. When it's time to pick up toys, make it a fun game. Excitedly say, "Look around the room and SEE THE NEED!" And then look around with your child and verbalize what you see. "Oh, look at all the toys on the floor. I see a need. They all need to be put in the toy box. Let's meet the need together. Who can pick up the most toys?" You are making work fun while teaching them to see the needs of others.
As your kids grow, keep using the phrase "SEE THE NEED" around the house. Help them notice chores that need to be done or ways they can help that are beyond what they would normally do for chores.
Teach them to be extra alert to ways they can help when the days are busy for mom and dad or if people in the house are sick. Teach them to go above and beyond their natural desires to see and meet the needs of others.
(I have no doubt that some day after a long day away from the house you will walk in to a house where the kids have been all day, look around, and say something like, "Did no one see the need today?" Of course, that's a hypothetical idea, right?)
As your kids grow, teach them to "see the need" beyond practical help. Teach them to notice ways they can encourage others emotionally and spiritually. Teach them to look in the eyes of others and be alert to struggles or needs. Teach them to ask questions to get beyond the superficial. Teach them to pray for and with others. Teach them to immediately stop and pray with others as they learn of prayer needs. As you hear about tough situations, teach them to send a note of encouragement. Tie it all in to "see the need."
Before you leave the house, challenge them to "see the need" as you go out and about among others. In public when you see someone who needs a door opened or an extra hand, whisper to your kiddo, "See the need" and explain how they can help.
When serving opportunities come up at church or in the community, remind them of the phrase and ask how they can be a part. Choose to meet needs as a family so that they get used to serving.
I believe teaching kids to "see the need" is of utmost importance. It builds into them gentleness, kindness, selflessness, and servant hood. It teaches them to think of others more than themselves. It prepares them for adulthood, marriage, and leadership. Really, it is teaching them to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
3. Talk to Jesus about everything -
From the time your children are old enough to eat solids, you can teach them to stop and give Jesus thanks for the food. But we need to go beyond just a quick prayer before meals and teach our children to talk with God throughout the day.
Teach them to commit their day to the Lord before their feet hit the floor.
Teach them to end their day in prayer.
Teach them to ask God for wisdom as they make decisions, work through situations, and even as they complete simple tasks throughout the day. (I first learned this watching a friend's mom cut a dessert for a special dinner at church. She quietly stopped to ask the Lord for help because she was not confident cutting desserts well.) This teaches them a deep dependence on God.
Help them form a habit of asking God to show them where a lost item is. (I can't tell you how many times I've uttered those prayers over the years only to be led to the exact spot!)
Teach them to go to Jesus when they are feeling sad, mad, or frustrated.
Teach them to utter a "Thank you, Lord" as they recognize His blessings throughout the day or after a prayer is answered. Example: As you travel somewhere over icy roads and get there safely, tell God thank you together once you arrive.
Teach them to take time daily in prayer.
Teach them to pray through verses.
Make talking to Jesus as normal as talking to those around them.
Teaching them to pray is one of the best ways for them to deepen their love for God and strengthen their faith.
4. Teach them that we have an enemy Teach your children that there is an enemy. The Word says he seeks to destroy. That means he is trying hard to trip up and knock down God's people. We need to teach our kids to be alert.
When the kids were young one of the first ways we helped them remember this was on the really tough days. I mean the days where everyone was arguing and disobeying and being grumpy. I would suddenly stop everyone and make a pretty big deal about everyone's actions. I would be loud and say something like, “Whoa!! Stop everything! Do you all see what is happening here? The enemy is getting the best of us and we are caving in to the temptations to be unkind and grumpy and act like the other person is our enemy.” Then I would ask who the true enemy is and the kids knew is is satan. So we would stop and pray and purpose to be unified and stand strong together against the enemy and for Christ. Many times we put on praise music and sometimes we sang loud.... in the kitchen.... with wooden spoon microphones. You see, we needed a reset to our actions and attitudes. Doing it together made us a stronger family.
Just to wrap things up, I want to read something I wrote to my kids a few years back. It ties together some of what I shared today.
To my precious kiddos,
You have heard these things from the time you were born and I will not stop teaching them any time soon. Ha. The older you get, the more you will realize how important each one of these are. Follow these things and your life, although not always smooth, will be fuller and you will be a bright light for Christ.
BE KIND. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32) There will be times in your life when people are purposely unkind to you. Choose to be kind in return. First, because God commands you to. Second, because you never know what is going on in their life. Maybe they are having a bad day. Maybe life is rough for them. Maybe they have never experienced love like you have in your life. You extending kindness may be just the touch of love they need in that moment. Always be kind.
BE LOYAL. "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." Romans 12:10 There are very few things that hurt more than when a person you love turns on you. Be loyal as a person. There will be times, especially when you are younger, that it will be tempting to go along with the group around you that is mocking or cutting down someone you call friend. Don't give in to that temptation. Be a loyal friend face to face and behind their back. There will be times when a friend's actions or decisions rub you the wrong way. Let it go. Be a good friend through the easy and hard times. "Do to others as you would have them do unto you." (Matthew 7:12)
BE HONEST! "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another." Ephesians 4:25 Lies hurt. They hurt you. They hurt the one you lie about. They have a hurtful ripple effect all around you. They destroy relationships. Lies lead you down a very rough road. Once you lose credibility with others, it is very hard to earn it back. Be known for a tongue that speaks truth. Never lie. Period.
BE GRATEFUL. "In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians. 5:18 A simple thank you goes a long way in touching the heart of another and giving thanks to God is a great way to bring your heart into a good place in the hard times. I truly believe that having a grateful heart is one of the most important things to have in life. It brings greater peace and joy. It brings life situations into a better perspective. It gives you the courage to continue on. Being grateful for others allows you to have grace when friction hits relationships. Even in the hardest of times and relationships, choose to be grateful!
LEAD WITH A SERVANT HEART THAT OVERFLOWS WITH GENTLENESS AND HUMILITY. "So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12 There will be times in your life when you are in a position of leadership. The best leader is a servant leader. Be willing to do anything you ask others to do. Always, always lead with truth and humility. When people see a leader that genuinely loves and serves, they will work better, have hearts that are open, and much more will be accomplished for God's glory! Be a good listener while you lead. Have thick skin. A good leader will not get upset every time they hear criticism or ideas that are contrary to their own.
Seek God in all that you do. It is He who has given you every one of your gifts and abilities. Be humble before Him. Be kind. Be loyal. Be honest. Be grateful. Serve like Christ. The words seems so simple. In life they are not always easy to apply. Make them habits. Be purposeful and do not be swayed.
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