A Few Words of Wisdom for Young Parents

Parents of littles, I know you have heard it a hundred times but I'll say it again.

Our kids grow so fast.  Blink and they will be grown.

I should know.  I blinked.  Now our oldest got married a couple weeks ago.  Our second is working a full time job in the field he loves.  Our third is doing the same.  Our "baby" has two years left before he graduates.  I can hardly believe it! 

Lately, I've been thinking about parenting tips. What would be good for parents to know?  I am sharing a few below.  Some are ideas I used while the kids were young.  Others are ideas I wish I had known early on.  Of course, there is much more to parenting, but these are a few important ones. I think this is a great place to start.

1. Holiness is your goal not happiness - This is one of the pieces of advice I was given at my baby shower.  It can sound a bit harsh but it is a great piece of truth.  You see, many times parents don't want to upset their kids.  It starts out at a very young age.  A toddler doesn't want to do something you ask of them so they start to throw a fit.  In order to stop their screaming (especially in public) the parent gives in and does not require obedience.  The toddler has learned how to manipulate and get out of obedience.  If not dealt with at that age, it will continue on even into the teen years where you will have a 15 year old manipulating situations with temper tantrums.  As much as I love to make my kids happy, that is not my goal.  Their godliness and character is much more important.   There are times that they were unhappy with me as I trained them and spurred them on to great disciplines.  It is important to teach our kids first time obedience.  Obedience that is done fully, with a happy heart.  At times they will be unhappy (the choice of their heart) but their holiness is much more important long term.  Thus the advice, "holiness not happiness."  Be consistent and require obedience.  You are developing their habits and their character. We repeated to our kids over and over that we were teaching them to obey even when they didn't understand as we know some day God will ask them to do things they don't understand.  They need to obey even when they don't feel like it because at times they will have to choose to obey God even when they don't feel like it. 

 2. Gentle. Humble. Servant. - For several years I had these words printed out on paper and hung on the wall.  They were three large reminders of how we should all be with others.  We taught our kids that these were three essential traits in all of life.  Whether you are in the home with siblings, out in public with strangers, in the workforce, or especially as a leader, these traits are necessary.

Gentle.  This is not always easy in the home.  Especially between siblings.  The first response to a brother or sister that is pushing their buttons is typically NOT gentle. Our kids need to be taught what Christ was like and that we can be like Him in our responses.  Teach them to speak calmly with kindness.  Teach them to respond slowly and lovingly.  Teach them to hug a sibling who is sad. Teach them to be gentle in all areas.

Humble.  Another trait of Christ.  Teach your kids the verses from Philippians 2 that talk about the humility of Christ.  Teach them what humility looks like.  Examples would be saying you are sorry when you hurt someone, admitting when you did something wrong or when you disobeyed.  Make sure it's not just an "I'm sorry." but teach them to ask for forgiveness as well.  Humility is also thinking of others before yourself.  Examples would be letting others go first in line or leaving the biggest piece of cake for others. 

Servant. Start this one when your kids are young!  Our sin nature makes us selfish from the get go.   Our kid's inclination is "me me me."  I go first.  I get the biggest.  I get the best.  Others should do what I want.  You can see this even in young children.  Teach them to serve their family.  Teach them to serve their community.  Teach them to serve whenever the opportunity presents itself.  In the next section I will discuss it in depth.  

3. See the need -  This is something I wish I had known to verbalize to my kids when they were young.  I get really excited when I think about this because I think it is such an important thing to teach.  There are always needs around us no matter where we are.  Whether we are at home or out and about, people have needs.  Teach your children to watch for needs they can meet.  This teaches them to be aware of others and it teaches them to serve.  

Let me give a few examples.  

Start out when your children are toddlers.  When it's time to pick up toys, make it a fun game.  Excitedly say, "Look around the room and SEE THE NEED!"  And then look around with your child and verbalize what you see.  "Oh, look at all the toys on the floor.  I see a need.  They all need to be put in the toy box.  Let's meet the need together.  Who can pick up the most toys?"  You are making work fun while teaching them.

As your kids grow, keep using the phrase "SEE THE NEED" around the house.  Have them notice chores that need to be done or ways they can help.   Teach them to be extra alert to ways they can help when the days are busy for mom and dad or if people in the house are sick. (I have no doubt that some day after a long day away from the house you will walk in to a house where the kids have been all day, look around, and say something like, "Did no one see the need today?"  Of course, that's a hypothetical idea, I'm sure. 😏)  Teach them to go above and beyond their natural desires to see and meet the needs of others.

As your kids grow, teach them to "see the need" beyond practical help.  Teach them to notice ways they can encourage others emotionally and spiritually.  Teach them to look in the eyes of others and be alert to struggles or needs.  Teach them to ask questions to get beyond the superficial. Teach them to pray for and with others.  Teach them to immediately stop and pray with others as they learn of prayer needs.  As you hear about situations, teach them to send a note of encouragement.  Tie it all in to "see the need."

Before you leave the house, challenge them to "see the need" as you go out and about among others.  In public when you see someone who needs a door opened or an extra hand, whisper, "See the need" and explain how they can help. When serving opportunities come up at church or in the community, remind them of the phrase and ask how they can be a part.  Choose to meet needs as a family so that they get used to serving.  

I believe teaching kids to "see the need" is critical.  It builds in them gentleness, kindness, selflessness, and servanthood.  It teaches them to think of others more than themselves.  It prepares them for adulthood, marriage, and leadership.  Really, it is teaching them to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

4.  Talk to Jesus about everything - From the time your children are old enough to eat solids, you can teach them to stop and give Jesus thanks for the food.  But we need to go beyond just a quick prayer before meals and teach our children to talk with God throughout the day.  Teach them to commit their day to the Lord before their feet hit the floor.  Teach them to end their day in prayer.  Teach them to ask God for wisdom as they make decisions, work through situations, and even as they complete simple tasks throughout the day.  Help them form a habit of asking God to show them where a lost item is. (I can't tell you how many times I've uttered those prayers over the years only to be led to the exact spot!)  Teach them to go to Jesus when they are feeling sad, mad, or frustrated.  Teach them to breath a "Thank you, Lord" as they recognize His blessings throughout the day or after a prayer is answered.  Teach them to take time daily in prayer.  Teach them to pray through verses.  Make talking to Jesus as normal as talking to those around them.  Teaching them to pray is one of the best ways for them to deepen their love for God and strengthen their faith.

Build these traits into your children.  Their faith will be deeper and their relationships richer.  Blessings to you as you raise your kids to love God with all of their hearts!  May they be gentle, humble, servants who strive to be holy, serve others, and have a relationship with Christ that is unshakable!