Equally or Unequally Yoked


Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  II Corinthians 6:14

You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods.  Deuteronomy 7:3

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.Proverbs 12:15

I'm writing about something that has been on my heart for a while.  I may step on some toes but that's OK because truth shared in love is important.  As followers of Christ, we are to walk life together.  At times, that includes some straight talk. 

Tim and I have always taught our kids the importance of dating the right people.  We have talked often of God's mandate for believers to date believers.  Actually, we have gone beyond that.  We have stressed the importance of not just dating someone who is a Christ follower but one that is passionately following Jesus Christ.  We have taught them that the purpose of dating to is not just fun.  It is to find someone you can marry.  Marriage is amazing but it is also hard.  We desire for our kids to head into marriage as prepared for success as possible.  We want them to understand that the deeper the couple loves Christ, the easier marriage will be. 

Over the last couple years I have observed a trend in the lives of believers when it comes to dating.  Many open the doors of their heart and date people who have not trusted Christ as their Savior.  I can not tell you how many times in the last several years I have asked a young person if the one they are dating is a believer only to get a response of, "I don't know."  I have had the same response from too many parents when I ask them about the person their teen is dating.

I hope you will hear me today.  I speak out of a heart of love and a heart that wants you and your family to thrive in life and in marriage; one that desires that we all have a massive impact on this world for Christ.  It is a  heart that wants each of us to love Christ deeper and more passionately than those who have gone before us.

Parents, I want to talk with you first.  Here comes the straight talk.  If your kiddos are of dating age and you are a follower of Christ, you know what is right.  Seriously.  You do.  You know how hard marriage is.  You know what God's Word says.  You know what the dangers are in dating an unbeliever.   You know the heart break and pain that lie ahead for your child if they date and marry an unbeliever.  So, why do you allow it?  Why do you OK it?  God's Word is clear.  James 4 tells us, "Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin."  God gave us our kiddos to train up in the ways of Christ.  When we allow them to go contrary to God in any way, we are in the wrong.  So, if we allow them to date an unbeliever, we are sinning.  Ouch.  Painful but true. 

So what should you do if you have already crossed the line and allowed your young person to date an unbeliever?

Repent and reset.  There have been many times as a parent I have had to acknowledge my failure before God.  I have had to apologize to my kids for allowing them to disobey God's ways.  I have had to reset.  I stop whatever wrong actions I have allowed and back things up, start afresh.  It's not easy, but it is best.  Sit down with your son or daughter and explain where you have fallen short.  Apologize for allowing them to walk contrary to God's ways.  Let them know you can no longer disobey God and as a parent, you can not allow them to continue on that way either.  Chances are, this will be hard.  Fear and anger will likely be a part of the conversation.  Be strong.  Be courageous.  Do not be faint of heart.  Weep together.  Go before God together.  Repent.  Ask Him for the strength to do what is right together. 

Teens/Singles, those who are followers of Christ - you know.  Most of you have heard it in lessons or sermons or in Sunday schools or youth retreats.  You have read it in the Bible - Do not marry an unbeliever.  It is as straight forward as that.  That means don't date unbelievers either.  Off the top of my head I could come up with a dozen people who would give you story, after story, after story of the consequences and heartache they have experienced from marrying an unbeliever.  Choose wisdom.  Choose to listen to those who love you and go before you.  Trust God and His ways.

Really, that's what it comes down to.  Can you trust God?  Can you trust Him with your life?  Can you trust Him enough to wait for someone who has deep love for Christ?  He is trust worthy.  All His ways are good and right.  His ways are best.

"But they are so nice." you say.  Wonderful.  I'm glad they are nice.  But even if they are nice, they do not have the Holy Spirit to guide them.  They do not have the Holy Spirit to convict them.  They are not centering their life around Christ so they will not have a Christ centered marriage or family.  If you date them and go on to marry them, you will have heartache and pain.  If you date them, you are also not following Christ with your whole heart which leaves room for the enemy to invade and lead you even further away from Christ.   

"But they are interested in things of Christ."  you say.

Wonderful.  I am glad they are interested in things of Christ.  Pray for them.  Encourage them.  Share Christ with them.  Invite them to youth group and church and events that will point them to Christ but don't date them.  When you do, you are playing with fire.  You will get burned.

If you are already dating them, you might feel trapped if they are showing interest in things of God.  There is a fear that if you break up with them, they might lose their interest in Christ.  As much as I want them to know Christ, I tell you, you do not need to stay in the relationship.  Trust God.  He loves them much more than you do.  He can do anything.  He is working in their heart.  Your responsibility is first and foremost to obey Christ.  Let God do the work. 

I know this is straight forward but it is truth.   Friends, it is so easy to be pulled in the wrong direction but God has given us EVERYTHING we need to stand strong and to obey Him.  When we compromise, we are not thriving as God intended.  Please don't give in.

Parents, stand strong, even when your kiddos do not understand.  A blessed and God filled future is worth the short term pain and conflict that you might experience with your kiddo.  You will never be sorry for choosing to stand firm on God's Word.  Pray for your children.  Pray for your children's future mates.  Pray that they will be men or women who are passionately following Jesus Christ and that God will help them be pure of heart. 

Young people, stand strong when your heart is pulled in the wrong direction.  You will never be sorry.  God has someone amazing for you.  Wait on the Lord.  His ways and His timing are always perfect.  Pray that God will cause you to be a man or woman of God.  Follow Christ with everything you have.  Pray that your future mate will be passionately pursuing Christ as well.  If you are dating someone you shouldn't, be courageous.  Ask the Lord to help you do the hard thing, the right thing.  He is there.  He will always help you do the right thing.  A little pain now will save you from a lifetime of pain.

May God give you all the desire and strength to do what is right today!  Don't delay!  I love you.  I am praying for you! 


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